5 Tips for Those Considering Getting Bangs

1. Don’t do it.

2. Seriously, just don’t do it.

3. So you’ve seen countless videos of people giving themselves bangs and think YOU’RE the exception? Am I missing the part where you had cosmetology training and not just the grace of God and a Brad Mondo video tutorial to get you through the process? After seeing the bowl cut your mom gave you and your brothers as kids, you still think that’s the way to go? Besides, bangs aren’t going to cover up your forehead acne or the sparse eyebrows caused by years of ABH brow pomade overuse. Those days are over. Stop punishing yourself.

4. Find Snapchat/Instagram filters that can give you virtual bangs! That way you’ll have an idea of what bangs might look like on you before a single cut is made!

5. Consider how you’ll look on any Zoom call with bangs. Now that cutting bangs is synonymous with a cry for help, is that the message you want to communicate to colleagues and coworkers? “Wow, look at this idiot. They thought they could cut their bangs and have us still believe they’re a well-adjusted member of society.” See how dumb you look? Sure, the first snip when cutting bangs is better than shooting heroin, but consider how much longer bangs last than heroin withdrawal; you should really consider your other options here. Have you tried experiencing ego death, joining a cult, or registering to be an organ donor before taking drastic measures such as this? Know your worth. I didn’t, and now I have terf bangs that would make the likes of J.K. Rowling tremble in fear. Heed my words. Don’t do bangs. Not even once.