Theater Emory Saddled With Setbacks in Equus Production

In the age of social distancing, masks, and online classes, Theater Emory has tried to continue their long tradition of irrelevant subsistence by putting on shows via Zoom. Unfortunately, this semester’s production of Equus - the controversial play about a boy who falls in love and has sex with a horse named Nugget (yes, this is a real play and it won 2 Tonys, look it up) - has been saddled with difficulties, sources tell SPEOPLE.

“Equus is first and foremost about chemistry; pure unbridled love between man and horse. On zoom, we’ve struggled to reproduce that chemistry,” remarked actress Cinnamon Perry. On stage, the audience can sense a very potent bond between male lead Alan and his horse Nugget, experiencing an atmosphere of discomfort and dumbfounded confusion as they watch a shirtless man ride on the shoulders of a dominatrix in a horse mask. In the Zoom version of the play, no such bond can be felt. “It’s a bit weird,” Cinnamon continued, “you see a man and a horse, and no romantic connection between them. It’s just bizarre and off-putting.”

Another issue Theater Emory has encountered in their endeavor is logistical challenges in Equus’ more physical scenes. “It’s a very visceral, raw story,” noted director Napoleon Boxer, “you have actors really feeling each other out, and because of our constraints, we’ve sadly had to rein in that component of the show. And then of course, there’s the sex scene.”

Indeed, the pivotal scene of this masterpiece, wherein Alan and Nugget engage in ungodly copulation, has spurred on a host of challenges to production. As you can imagine, replicating unfiltered and untempered interspecies passion, with its majestic thrusting and lustful neighing, is next to impossible in an online setting. Theater Emory’s solution? According to Napoleon, they haven’t figured it out yet. “I’m not proud to admit it, but we’ve just been stalling up to this point. We’ve jockeyed around with a few ideas, but nothing seems to work adequately.”

With obstacles mounting, Theater Emory’s leadership is becoming increasingly pessimistic. “The last thing we want is for the nay-sayers to be right, but the reality is that we’re struggling,” Napoleon admitted. Regrettably, this performance may be sooner headed to the glue factory than the podium.