Trend Alert: Wearing Other College’s Apparel on Campus

Emory’s hottest trend is the donning of shirts, sweaters, hats, and ball gags with the brands and names of other universities. For the geographically challenged and those completely oblivious to their surroundings, this has been a nuisance. But for others, it’s the cathartic release of rejection. “Yeah, Emory wasn’t my first choice. Why should I deny it?” says student Hardin Scott III. “I’m trying to get into a T14 law school with a 140 LSAT. I need all the luck a Yale sweatshirt can provide me.” Well, there you have it.

Other students feel the same, citing price, comfort, and the nostalgic memory of the last time they had hope as reasons to hold on to college sweatshirts. When asked, one answered, “With all this Covid stuff and online classes, people might actually believe I go to Harvard.” Is this academic cuckolding? Maybe so. But at Emory, it’s important to dress for the college you want to attend, not the one that you do.

Sustainability also proves to be a very important topic to students’ fashion choices. Recycling college apparel combines a blasé attitude with the perfect sense of ennui, two concepts Emory students only know from the wasted time spent at SAT tutoring in high school. Additionally, students are aware of the political message their fashion choices communicate. “If I wanted to represent an institution that exploits young women, I’d wear a Blood on the Dance Floor shirt over a college hoodie every time,” says student Brenda Urie. How woke of her!

People say Emory students lack school spirit, but they never specified which school they should have spirit for. Besides, there’s plenty of Emory themed items students have on hand, such as an Emory ID card and a summons to the Honor Council for academic dishonesty. If that doesn’t scream school spirit, then what does?

Whether it’s Harvard, Yale, or a public high school in the suburbs of Chicago, there’s one school whose name you won’t be seeing on students’ chests on campus.