Most Recent
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The Royals Exclusive! Sterk’s Twitter Burner Accounts Found
The 20th president of Emory University has been caught operating not one, but THREE burner Twitter accounts!
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Meghan Markle Spits Out a New Promise: She’ll Transmit COVID for Charity!
“This project won’t be easy, especially on my own health, but I find it necessary to make the message clear. For the meager price of twenty quid, I will meet with American citizens one-on-one, discuss the necessary facts, and then spit in their mouths. Thank you.”
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Fenves Sues SPEOPLE Over Sexiest SPerson Alive Snub
“If its editors held even a scrap of the intelligence held by a common gnat, or Kappa Sig brother, though that may be too harsh to common gnats, SPEOPLE would have selected my client, Gregory L. Fenves,” Emory Whig idol and Fenves’ attorney said.
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Provost Jan Love Is SPEOPLE’s Sexiest SPerson Alive
After an extremely competitive voting process, Provost Love beat out Emory University celebrities such as President Gregory “Daddy” Fenves, that one Kaldi’s barista, and the cats on Cox Bridge for this illustrious title.
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Uh-Oh! Kate Flouts ANOTHER Fashion Rule by Wearing BDSM Outfit to Children’s Hospital
According to attendees at the event, which took place at a children’s hospital in London, Kate was the picture of politeness and grace. “She’s so relatable!” one nurse said.
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Elizabeth II, Queen of England, Takes a Shit
While it had often been theorized that QEII attended to her porcelain throne just as she did her royal one, no one had ever suspected anything actually happened other than the occasional tea-colored tinkle, much less squeezing out a daily Diamond Jubilee.
