Most Recent
-
Gibby: From Not to Hot to Sex Addiction to Tragic Early Death
Munck’s meteoric rise didn’t come without its costs, with close friends Jerry Spencer and Lewis “Lou” Bert claiming that all the fame had gone to his head.
-
New Taylor Swift Album Is Just a Collection of Eclectic Adjectives and Nouns
Her mismatched descriptors make us feel like we are in an artisanal coffee shop, smelling freshly grown lavender, and taking molly all at once!
-
The Royals Exclusive! Sterk’s Twitter Burner Accounts Found
The 20th president of Emory University has been caught operating not one, but THREE burner Twitter accounts!
-
Letter from Emory Student who tried ordering a textbook on Wayfair
I just wanted to let you know that even though this is not what I ordered and I do not have a textbook for my class, I will still be keeping the product.
-
Student Stranded in Breakout Room Alone Opens Up About Her Breakout Breakdown
“I still remember ‘Breakout Room 7’ pasted on the screen. I hit that blue button to join, unknowingly sealing my fate.”
-
Brave! Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Keeps Old Woman Company Through Quarantine by Sending Her Lifetime Supply of His Own Ejaculate
“HAPPY BEAUTIFUL 101st birthday to Grandma Glover!!” Mr. Johnson shared on Instagram. “Glad to see you received my gift and the card I wrote you!” the card jokingly telling her to “swallow, whore.”
-
Meghan Markle Spits Out a New Promise: She’ll Transmit COVID for Charity!
“This project won’t be easy, especially on my own health, but I find it necessary to make the message clear. For the meager price of twenty quid, I will meet with American citizens one-on-one, discuss the necessary facts, and then spit in their mouths. Thank you.”
-
Freshman Attempts to Get COVID to Show Big-10 Friend How Much Fun They’re Having
Cameron’s pediatrician, Dr. Mauci noted the time Cameron begged her to give him mono during the peak of the outbreak at his high school. ‘“Yeah, he said something about needing mono to prove to everyone that he ‘gets kissed by girls.’”
-
Karen or Just Broke? After Wearing Mask of That Mesh Stuff They Wrap Pears In, the Jury Is Still Out on Lana Del Rey
Del Rey is not just subtly racist and a thorn in the side of the CDC, but a victim of the vicious greed of the music industry.
-
Fenves Sues SPEOPLE Over Sexiest SPerson Alive Snub
“If its editors held even a scrap of the intelligence held by a common gnat, or Kappa Sig brother, though that may be too harsh to common gnats, SPEOPLE would have selected my client, Gregory L. Fenves,” Emory Whig idol and Fenves’ attorney said.
-
Is Tony Lopez’s Lip-Bite Just a Massive Overbite? Dentist Weighs In
But some fans have gone overboard, some even getting reconstructive surgery to give themselves overbites to replicate Lopez’s signature look.
-
Theater Emory Saddled With Setbacks in Equus Production
On stage, the audience can sense a very potent bond between male lead Alan and his horse Nugget, experiencing an atmosphere of discomfort and dumbfounded confusion as they watch a shirtless man ride on the shoulders of a dominatrix in a horse mask.
-
Drake’s Updated Version of “Child’s Play” Featuring Millie Bobby Brown Raised Some Eyebrows on Social Media
When asked how he became close with Millie Bobby Brown, Drake responded, “stranger things have happened. I just sent her a DM on Instagram, and the rest is history.”
-
UH OH TREND ALERT!
The most significant fashion statement since “I don’t really care do you?”
-
Trend Alert: Wearing Other College’s Apparel on Campus
Whether it’s Harvard, Yale, or a public high school in the suburbs of Chicago, there’s one school whose name you won’t be seeing on students’ chests on campus.
-
Provost Jan Love Is SPEOPLE’s Sexiest SPerson Alive
After an extremely competitive voting process, Provost Love beat out Emory University celebrities such as President Gregory “Daddy” Fenves, that one Kaldi’s barista, and the cats on Cox Bridge for this illustrious title.
-
Uh-Oh! Kate Flouts ANOTHER Fashion Rule by Wearing BDSM Outfit to Children’s Hospital
According to attendees at the event, which took place at a children’s hospital in London, Kate was the picture of politeness and grace. “She’s so relatable!” one nurse said.
-
Elizabeth II, Queen of England, Takes a Shit
While it had often been theorized that QEII attended to her porcelain throne just as she did her royal one, no one had ever suspected anything actually happened other than the occasional tea-colored tinkle, much less squeezing out a daily Diamond Jubilee.
